Fleshnut advert number #1 -DON'T take a strip

Below is the text of the (fictional) advert pictured above! 

Fleshnuts!

What are they? I literally have no idea!

[Picture of a questionable nut]

Look I'm not gonna lie this might be the worst product ever invented it I honestly don't know I’m sort of just going off vibes rn. All I really know is that I feel this vague ominous presence and an unavoidable compulsion to meet my KPI's. I don't even know what KPI stands for but here we go

This is very important. I am meeting my bare minimum of posting this to exactly 13 light poles However by no means should you tear off a slip and take it.

Below is a recounting of the strips in order  

1. This isn't one of those cutesy tricks. Do. Not. take a slip of paper. I'm super duper serious.
2. I'm not here to say that fleshnuts will definitely lead to your downfall. But they might you don't know!!!!! I don't even know!
3. What does it even mean to “know” anyway. Like how can we “know” anything?
4. this is just getting silly how have there already been four of you who's shown interest in this sham of a product. What are you trying to do to me ?
5. I may be the marketing intern but it is my deepest desire for as few people to know about this product as possible. if you're reading this, well then that means there could very well be 64 others who are doing the same.
6. Look maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Hey it's great to meet you. I'm so happy you are interested but i am regretfully going to have to tell you to leave empty handed I would consider it a kindness. 
7. I gotta come clean. I'm not saying that taking one of these slips is the worst decision you have ever made because I don’t actually have some sort of background hidden knowledge about the true manner of this fleshnut conspiracy. But I am saying to forget you saw anything with a whole heapful of spite and bitterness.
8. I get paid literal peanuts. And not like food peanuts. Packing peanuts. Left on my desk in a little cup. Like duck food.
9. Come on! Everyone thinks spite and bitterness is relatable right? So be a pal. forget you saw anything. Walk away. Do it for the spite uwu.
10. I know deep in my heart that I am not this piece of paper. I’m just a super awesome marketing intern named Lemy, but you should know, metaphorically, every strip of paper you take from this advert, you are ripping straight from my soul.
11. Hey now. I thought we made a real connection back there, We got to know each other, shared an emotional connection, and yet here you are at tab number 11.
12. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
13. There is no way this complies with the legal definition of being “an intern”.

The attatched photo is the most intact original advert #1 of 5 known copies

In celebration of the confirmed to be rumored first limited Fleshnut release, I will be dedicating the next several posts to tracking down and posting all 12 known Fleshnut adverts, affectionately known as the Gospel of Lemy. So stay tuned and I’ll catch you next time Lemy<3

Don't miss the start of this series on the "gospel of Lemy" which can be found here 

or check out advert #2 here