Below is the text of the (fictional) advert pictured above!
Fleshnut
Get them while they’re… hot?
Or cold? I don't really know what temperature they are meant to be , to me they're just one big headache, and I mean that literally. the gas around here, while distinctively aromatic and undoubtedly captivating, has done a number on my sinuses. I’ve tried to go see the factory floor but I've never managed to stay conscious long enough to make it through the door so for now I must be sated by the squelching hum and effervescent glow that streams onto the ground anytime the doors swing open
The attached photo is the most intact version of the ad of many known copies. Though when contacted for a clean scan of the advert for this article, several collectors burst into tears as they had all managed to lose their copy of the ad one way or another.
We heard reports of pilfering, pawning, incinerations, consumption, vindictive divorce hearings, civil forfeiture, foreclosure, angry faes, tornados, fish food, slime rain, vacuous shredders, potty accidents, mistaken kindling, questionable encounters ,birds nest bedding, cold nights, and warm soup. One nut head even reported spontaneous combustion though other witnesses say maybe the magnifying glass and the sun had something to do with the ensuing rapid burn.
Todays article was eventually provided by one of the most beloved members of the nut head community, known by their handle @Hipnozzz, Our elusive friend had this to say when informed of their fellow collectors misfortunes.
"What?!? I'm awake… what’s that you say? Man that’s too bad. I was wondering why my phones been buzzing off the hook. I was going to check in on it… just after this nap.”
Edit: Through the help of some of our readers, we discovered the text on the open door is a phone number (5752084145) and we called it 😶 I guess we know what happened to the other copies of the advert now.
Text of the call was as follows
"Who is this? You should not have this number.
it has been a length of time unbefitting for this prank to still be reverberating into our office. I thought we had wiped advert #3 out of existence throughout every reality Orbula. Call in the intern .
Ohh are you still there how quaint. You should forget about this. It really doesn't concern you.
Be content and Consume.
Click"
In celebration of the confirmed to be rumored first limited Fleshnut release, I will be dedicating the next several posts to tracking down and posting all 12 known Fleshnut adverts, affectionately known as the Gospel of Lemy. So stay tuned and I’ll catch you next time Lemy<3
Don't miss the start of this series on the "gospel of Lemy" which can be found here